For me, the month of May will always be filled with grief and sadness. Twenty years ago, I unexpectedly lost one of my younger brothers. He was in his early twenties. Loosing a young adult member is never easy for a family, particularly for a parent. It is not natural for parents to out-live their children.
I have finally realized that sometimes you do not get over certain grief in life. You learn to live with it as you often go back and forth between anger, denial, guilt, and disappointment. I recently came across Dr. T. J. Wray’s writings. She is an adult sibling survivor and professor of Religious Studies at Salve Regina University in Newport, RI. In her book Surviving the Death of a Sibling: Living Through Grief When an Adult Brother or Sister Dies, she writes:
“In the stillness of the early mornings when I have the house all to myself, I can recall his face and the sound of his voice so clearly that I’m often surprised, when I wake from my reverie…and ask, “Why?” Never expecting an answer.”
I think that says it all.
Loss of family members and loved ones is undoubtedly a significant part of a human life. However, despite all the sorrows we go through there exists an enormous courage and faith in each of us that moves us forward, gives us hope, makes us think about our next generation.
As Sidney Poitier writes in Life Beyond Measurement:
“Hope is the eternal tool in the survival kit for mankind. We hope for a little luck, we hope for a better tomorrow, we hope – although it is impossible hope – to somehow get out of this world alive. And if we can’t and don’t, then it is enough to rejoice in our short time here and to remember how much we loved the view.”
